If you search love on the internet you will find over 11 billion articles on the subject. People want to know how to not only find love, but also how to keep that spark and passion alive that they felt when they first got together.
I’ve thought back to when I first fell in love with my partner, what were the actions and feelings I had? How do we keep those same feelings of giddiness continuing throughout our relationship while managing our daily life? There was the initial attraction (he is a hottie). I was open to new experiences and getting to know everything about him was exciting. We would have endless dates that were romantic, fun or trying something different together which helped create a bond over a shared experience and making memories. We would talk or text for hours getting to know one another. We couldn’t keep our hands of one another so our intimacy game was strong. We would both show each other our appreciation and gratitude by leaving little love notes for each other. We wanted to be with each other constantly and to grow our relationship, we were in our own little love bubble – and nothing else really mattered!
As the years go by - work, homelife, children as well as outside influences become a factor and the “honeymoon period” people often talk about starts to fade. The dopamine that got us interested in the first place starts to drop off, as it likes to respond to new things and our relationship now is well not new and shiny like it once was.
So, is that the answer to keeping the love alive? Treating our relationship like when we first met when we made it a priority?
- Dating doesn’t have to stop once you’re committed to each other. Find time once a week to have a Date Night. Make a conscious effort to have a loving relationship.
- Explore and experience new things together to create a bond and memories. Work towards a common goal, my partner and I are training in a fitness challenge it’s a great way to spend time together. Studies have found that pheromones produced by exercising can bond you to your partner when you work out together.
- Small acts of love and appreciation can go a long way, send them a text message showing your appreciation.
- Ditch the technology and spend quality time together. We are all busy but we have to make a conscious effort just as we would to better our health or to perform well at work - we need to also prioritise and work on our relationship.
- Don’t keep silent if something is bothering you speak up, don’t let it fester. Communication is the key which involves being a good listener also.
- Keep getting to know your partner, ask questions about their goals, dream holiday, celebrity crushes. Always make an effort to keep learning new things about your partner.
- Physical intimacy truly bonds you with your partner building that personal connection between the two of you. A good morning and good night kiss and holding hands is vitally important in building your bond with your partner. Keep things spicy in the bedroom department by keeping it new and exciting.
- If you wish to delve deeper you can learn their love language, everyone expresses their love differently that concept is explored in the book "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" by Gary Chapman. The languages break down to gift giving, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion), and physical touch. Find out what is important to your partner and commit to showing them.
So my challenge to you all is to take a walk down memory lane together. Talk about the things that you did in the early days of your relationship, recreate them and enjoy. Make time for your relationship, book in a date night with your partner and feel the love grow.